Saturday 12 April 2008
Monday 31 March 2008
mellayhumans' cookery corner
This week I made delicious rare beef.Buy the best joint you can afford, topside of beef will do though but it must have a good cylindrical shape. Cover the joint liberally with maldon sea salt and cracked black pepper. Make sure you rub it in.In a very hot pan with a little oil, seal each face of the joint, moving it around ever so slowly till the whole thing is golden brown.Now the clever bit. Wrap the whole joint very tightly in cling film and put it in a cool (150 degree) oven. A large 3kg joint needs about one hour and forty minutes to be pink pink pink. A smaller joint you will have to keep an eye on and the only wayto tell is to cut it open and have a look, please also be aware that it carries on cooking after removal from the oven and you must not overcook it. Now reduce some red wine by half with some redcurrant jelly and add all the juice which dripped from the joint. Let this gorgeous meaty jus reduce while you cook the veg. Slice the beef ever so thinly as you can and pour over the hot jus.Serve with horseradish, mashed swede and carrot with lots of butter, roast potatoes and parsnips and some greens. Delicious
Note, all my measures and times are approximate, use common sense and taste as you go! Cooking is not an exact science. (Apart from patisserie which nobody likes)
Note, all my measures and times are approximate, use common sense and taste as you go! Cooking is not an exact science. (Apart from patisserie which nobody likes)
Everything you need to know about our single: Blackmoon- The Singer, The Wife & Tony.
Hello again from Camp Human. As you know or may not know, we have the release of our Single ‘Blackmoon’ on the 12th May 2008. Written below is a little bit of back ground information on the characters from the songs. You probably think this is a little weird that the details runs this deep, and you would be right, it is weird. But as you will learn over time each A.HUMAN song has a horrid little story that runs through it. These stories will expand over time until you realise that they are one big story that will stop the world for a day (date to be confirmed)!
Dave Human
A Man Called Tony: Tony Glove
The bags under Tony’s eyes hold enough skin to make a human baby from scratch, he snarls with a self affirming snigger that makes you believe that he has no concern about the outcome of a situation; he will always be on top. His fat fingers are squashed through Golden rings that detail the name of every wife Tony has ever had. His hand reads like a time line of the deceased, a history book of the unfortunate. His skin is a mixture of Olive and grey and golden teeth jot though his lips that drip with saliva like an uncooked liver. His body is covered by a thick black layer of hair which abruptly meets the clean shaven back of his neck. His hair is scraped back into a tight gelled shell that looks like the damaged back of a dying beetle. His racing green jaguar glides through the streets; the leather upholstery scrubbed within a breath of its existence. Blaring from the car is ‘The Hits’ played by the British steel Drum band, punctuated by a sharp and exhausted cough that nearly removes every organ from Tony’s body. Tony jaunts through towns and cities mixing with the highest of society and the lowest forms of life. He is the acceptable face of the underworld, and between him, the great divide do business together, ANY business!
The Singer, the winner, the Silver Screen Sinner: Teddy Pinns
Once the toast of the BBC, prime time, big band, tap dancing on stage to her majesty the Queen at the London Palladium, Teddy was the working mans hero. Born in Canvey Island the son of Hod Carrier, Teddy Pinns had worked his way to the top. He’d done the clubs and the pubs of Britain which made for a quick witted stage act that reflected the mood of Britain at the time. His charming and cheeky persona soon paid dividend. Teddy Pinn’s Prime time show ‘Ready Teddy Pinn’s!’ was the staple diet of Britain in the late 70’s, and ran through the 80’s growing in popularity and audience. He released Albums, calendars and popped up in some of Britain’s most loved films. He was true a national treasure that could demand record breaking sums for his endorsement.
By the end of the eighties Britain was looking for something different in their entertainment, alternative comedy had made acts like Teddies seem out dated and in slightly bad taste. The strains were starting to show on the comedian, his alcoholism had started to engulf his stage acts, turning them from comedy to a relentless, outspoken onslaught confirming the demise of this “once great nation”.
Teddy sunk even deeper into the drink, gambling away his fortune, leaving his wife and child for months at a time. Towards the end of the 90’s he had met Death face to face, sold his wife for a gambling debt, and had no idea who he was anymore. When Teddy came out of his 10 year bender all that remained was a silver haired, pathetic, weak man hanging onto the past with what little energy he had left. But he still had his trade mark pearly white s mile and cheeky grin. Teddy had come too at just the right time, he was about to the rediscover his career, bring back “the face that turned on a million Tellies”.
The Wife: Patricia (hands like knives) Pinns:
Patricia was once a praised actress, Model, and tabloid Golden girl. She came to the UK from Denmark to compliment an already blossoming career. She met Teddy at an award show and his sense of humour had her hooked from the start. They were engaged within a month and expecting their one and only child within two. Her long blonde flowing hair still exploded from her angelic head, yet the trauma of married life with Teddy had its effect on her glowing and youthful looks. She supported him through the most traumatic periods of his life, whilst her career gently and peacefully slipped away. Without her every matter of public disorder and indecent exposure would have been the final nail in his Bafta shaped coffin. She smiled away the turbulence of her husband’s demise and tricked the world with a cover of serenity and love. For all her commitment and unadulterated love, Teddy still betrayed her. On the eve of the celebration of their anniversary a gambling debt left too long forced Teddy to make a decision of which would have repercussions forever. Teddy had lost £25,000 pounds on a Cock fight organised by Tony. In debt Teddy offered his only lasting possession, His Wife.
The transaction was made and Patricia was quietly ushered off to her new home, a caravan in Romford, away from her teenage daughter and left to rot as the slave (wife) of Tony. Life on the caravan park was difficult for Patricia; she had gone from a rich exuberant life style to a fold out bed and a broken VCR. The other woman on the caravan park new of her falling from grace, they often went out of their way to belittle her and berate her both verbally and physically.
This period in the caravan gave her time to reflect on what she had left behind for the sake of her husband. A husband who threw back every single heartfelt gesture that she had ever carried out. Patricia may have looked like an easy target on the outside but years of suffering had hardened her core. She started to plot her rise to fame and certain revenge. From a warn out copy of a Kung Fu movie, a poster of Jean-Claude Van Damme and some caravan scrubbers to warm up on she became a deadly human weapon with hands like knives.
Dave Human
A Man Called Tony: Tony Glove
The bags under Tony’s eyes hold enough skin to make a human baby from scratch, he snarls with a self affirming snigger that makes you believe that he has no concern about the outcome of a situation; he will always be on top. His fat fingers are squashed through Golden rings that detail the name of every wife Tony has ever had. His hand reads like a time line of the deceased, a history book of the unfortunate. His skin is a mixture of Olive and grey and golden teeth jot though his lips that drip with saliva like an uncooked liver. His body is covered by a thick black layer of hair which abruptly meets the clean shaven back of his neck. His hair is scraped back into a tight gelled shell that looks like the damaged back of a dying beetle. His racing green jaguar glides through the streets; the leather upholstery scrubbed within a breath of its existence. Blaring from the car is ‘The Hits’ played by the British steel Drum band, punctuated by a sharp and exhausted cough that nearly removes every organ from Tony’s body. Tony jaunts through towns and cities mixing with the highest of society and the lowest forms of life. He is the acceptable face of the underworld, and between him, the great divide do business together, ANY business!
The Singer, the winner, the Silver Screen Sinner: Teddy Pinns
Once the toast of the BBC, prime time, big band, tap dancing on stage to her majesty the Queen at the London Palladium, Teddy was the working mans hero. Born in Canvey Island the son of Hod Carrier, Teddy Pinns had worked his way to the top. He’d done the clubs and the pubs of Britain which made for a quick witted stage act that reflected the mood of Britain at the time. His charming and cheeky persona soon paid dividend. Teddy Pinn’s Prime time show ‘Ready Teddy Pinn’s!’ was the staple diet of Britain in the late 70’s, and ran through the 80’s growing in popularity and audience. He released Albums, calendars and popped up in some of Britain’s most loved films. He was true a national treasure that could demand record breaking sums for his endorsement.
By the end of the eighties Britain was looking for something different in their entertainment, alternative comedy had made acts like Teddies seem out dated and in slightly bad taste. The strains were starting to show on the comedian, his alcoholism had started to engulf his stage acts, turning them from comedy to a relentless, outspoken onslaught confirming the demise of this “once great nation”.
Teddy sunk even deeper into the drink, gambling away his fortune, leaving his wife and child for months at a time. Towards the end of the 90’s he had met Death face to face, sold his wife for a gambling debt, and had no idea who he was anymore. When Teddy came out of his 10 year bender all that remained was a silver haired, pathetic, weak man hanging onto the past with what little energy he had left. But he still had his trade mark pearly white s mile and cheeky grin. Teddy had come too at just the right time, he was about to the rediscover his career, bring back “the face that turned on a million Tellies”.
The Wife: Patricia (hands like knives) Pinns:
Patricia was once a praised actress, Model, and tabloid Golden girl. She came to the UK from Denmark to compliment an already blossoming career. She met Teddy at an award show and his sense of humour had her hooked from the start. They were engaged within a month and expecting their one and only child within two. Her long blonde flowing hair still exploded from her angelic head, yet the trauma of married life with Teddy had its effect on her glowing and youthful looks. She supported him through the most traumatic periods of his life, whilst her career gently and peacefully slipped away. Without her every matter of public disorder and indecent exposure would have been the final nail in his Bafta shaped coffin. She smiled away the turbulence of her husband’s demise and tricked the world with a cover of serenity and love. For all her commitment and unadulterated love, Teddy still betrayed her. On the eve of the celebration of their anniversary a gambling debt left too long forced Teddy to make a decision of which would have repercussions forever. Teddy had lost £25,000 pounds on a Cock fight organised by Tony. In debt Teddy offered his only lasting possession, His Wife.
The transaction was made and Patricia was quietly ushered off to her new home, a caravan in Romford, away from her teenage daughter and left to rot as the slave (wife) of Tony. Life on the caravan park was difficult for Patricia; she had gone from a rich exuberant life style to a fold out bed and a broken VCR. The other woman on the caravan park new of her falling from grace, they often went out of their way to belittle her and berate her both verbally and physically.
This period in the caravan gave her time to reflect on what she had left behind for the sake of her husband. A husband who threw back every single heartfelt gesture that she had ever carried out. Patricia may have looked like an easy target on the outside but years of suffering had hardened her core. She started to plot her rise to fame and certain revenge. From a warn out copy of a Kung Fu movie, a poster of Jean-Claude Van Damme and some caravan scrubbers to warm up on she became a deadly human weapon with hands like knives.
Thursday 27 March 2008
Fever
The drumming member of A.Human is slowly getting rid of a bad flu..went to the video shop after two long days in bed. The man behind the counter looked rather shocked when I asked him a few questions. I guess I must have looked like the mummy and sounded like Darf Wader.
Tried hard to get something sensible out of the time in bed- reading, writing thank you letters or even surfing the old interweb, but nothing seemed to grab my attention. It's the fever! the horrible fever. It takes you away. All you can do is to look into the empty space and wait for the ibuprofen to work. The fever is horrible.
I'm back on track now, stronger than before, happier than ever coz it looks like A.Human are going on tour in Europe. Sweet
Tried hard to get something sensible out of the time in bed- reading, writing thank you letters or even surfing the old interweb, but nothing seemed to grab my attention. It's the fever! the horrible fever. It takes you away. All you can do is to look into the empty space and wait for the ibuprofen to work. The fever is horrible.
I'm back on track now, stronger than before, happier than ever coz it looks like A.Human are going on tour in Europe. Sweet
A group of explorers were walking through the tunnel leading from Hope to reality. Before they reached their desired destination they were confronted by the most hideous of sights. A man had fallen by the way-side and was being beaten by a Pigeon. They simply stood captivated by the most beautiful and haunting of sights. The aggressive pigeon stared with an angry eye. ‘Thump’ was tattooed on the right of his wing and a rusty copper ring hung loosely through his beak. He muttered to himself, his eyes glazed with confusion.
Suddenly the tunnel resonated music, one that spoke of an electronic future, yet clumsily tripped over the past. A barge appeared chugging through the water as if it were a spoon through honey. The music stopped, a voice from the boat shouted “Pigeon Jack, Put Greg down!” The pigeon spun round nervously, “what’s going on?” said the sequin clad musician. “Greg sthaid I had a big faceth” reposed Pigeon Jack with the most delicate of lisps. ‘Did you say that Greg?’ “Yes” replied Greg “But I really didn’t mean for it to cause such offence Jack! I’m truly sorry”. Pigeon Jack stared at the floor in shame. “You know how sthelf consciousth I get Greg, yet you continue to pusth me”. “You know I love you as a friend” replied Greg “and despite the size of your face. You have an elegance and class about you!”. “Well I apprecthiate that Greg, I’m sthorry I trundled you!”. “Will you make up?” whispered the musician? “Yes(th)” they both replied as a growing look of content spread across their faces.
The explorer’s stared on in disbelief, the more noble amongst them raised his fist declaring “We are Noble explorers on route to Reality; we demand to know our whereabouts!” The crowd shot round. “My dear friends, this is the A.HUMAN tunnel” replied the Musicians. “To get to reality you must walk back through the tunnel of banality and the path will be as clear as sin”. “What if we want to stay?” scoffed the explorer. The musician replied “Then you are more than welcome!”
By Dave Human
I am currently reading the book below as advised by Kay Human and our Manger Double. Its good so far, apart from the chapter about Jesus, which is a bit boring, not that Jesus is boring, I’m sure he’s great. Anyway love you, bye.
Suddenly the tunnel resonated music, one that spoke of an electronic future, yet clumsily tripped over the past. A barge appeared chugging through the water as if it were a spoon through honey. The music stopped, a voice from the boat shouted “Pigeon Jack, Put Greg down!” The pigeon spun round nervously, “what’s going on?” said the sequin clad musician. “Greg sthaid I had a big faceth” reposed Pigeon Jack with the most delicate of lisps. ‘Did you say that Greg?’ “Yes” replied Greg “But I really didn’t mean for it to cause such offence Jack! I’m truly sorry”. Pigeon Jack stared at the floor in shame. “You know how sthelf consciousth I get Greg, yet you continue to pusth me”. “You know I love you as a friend” replied Greg “and despite the size of your face. You have an elegance and class about you!”. “Well I apprecthiate that Greg, I’m sthorry I trundled you!”. “Will you make up?” whispered the musician? “Yes(th)” they both replied as a growing look of content spread across their faces.
The explorer’s stared on in disbelief, the more noble amongst them raised his fist declaring “We are Noble explorers on route to Reality; we demand to know our whereabouts!” The crowd shot round. “My dear friends, this is the A.HUMAN tunnel” replied the Musicians. “To get to reality you must walk back through the tunnel of banality and the path will be as clear as sin”. “What if we want to stay?” scoffed the explorer. The musician replied “Then you are more than welcome!”
By Dave Human
I am currently reading the book below as advised by Kay Human and our Manger Double. Its good so far, apart from the chapter about Jesus, which is a bit boring, not that Jesus is boring, I’m sure he’s great. Anyway love you, bye.
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